Fans of Dad’s Army may remember the heading, catch-phrase of Pte James Frazer played by John Laurie and which seems to be the new othodoxy. As ever, people are still doing business, plenty of people are actually doing well but as the saying goes, Good news is No news. Simon Dickens of YouMeHeShe architects is back and tells of of a planning application he has submitted for a new children’s centre further up the river. Subbing for Paul Marmor of Sherrards, Michael Dodd of Michael Dodd Media does media training & tells us how to be as smart as Jeremy Paxman but come over more pleasantly. Next to him, fellow Australian, Alexis of The Happiness Centre is looking for struggling health centres as she can revitalise them and still on the subject of people from Oz, Gavin Hirst of PhotoWonder was last heard of in Bangkok and Ruth was feeling better after being rushed to hosiptal a week ago,

Martin Dunne of accountants Sayers Butterworth is looking for directors and owners of small/medium companies who are clients of the Big Four accountancy firms and almost certainly paying too much. Maurice Press of Disability Resource Team has U3A University of the Third Age as a new client and is setting up a new BRX in Teddington. Mentioning that one of my best intoducers is based there and might be interested in joining, it turns out that he already knows the accountant concerned – small world. Maurice wants intros to Bursars amd educational establishments as they may not be aware of the full implications of the Disability Discrimination Act 2005.

Simon Bates of debt managers S2M subs for Jamie Denham reminding us of high-impact graphics where, if a picture paints a thousand words, an animation can do a million. Tino Marco’s colleague Mab of Olive Communications is over from BRX Westminster while Chairman Mike Nightingale of Green Park Insurance Services tells of another client with 3 properties, 3 cars but no clear idea of what he is actually covered for.

Gavin M-H of JD Promotional Marketing has a magic pen which helps mobile sales forces write more business and one of which, Area Manager David Coburn has cherished for two years. Dr Dick Penfold of BCMP who provide temporary managers, subs for Roy Duncan “Best Fit gauaranteed” our accountant recruiter. The KISS FM vouchers designed by Hiten of Revolution Creative will be going nationwide soon while our copy writer Caroline Hampstead has been enthralled rewriting the blurb for the Executive Share Option scheme at Barclays.

Laura Firestone of the world’s largest bank HSBC is not short of customers bringing their money to them but is really looking for long-term client relationships. Christian of Danesoft has made 6 public tenders for new business but finds the process hard work – public sector business was always thus. Good-sized stuff when you get it, but don’t hold your breath and you will get paid. Mike Segall of New Business Generation reminds of the advertising saying “No good sitting in a room with the best product/service in the world, if the lights are out and no one knows you are there”.

Cecelia Burnet of Burnet Benson Business Services is back talking of upgrades while Louise Hassett of Delfont Mackintosh is looking for lawyers. Lewis Malka of Joseph Sterling Jewellers has a client who thinks that a limited edition Cartier watch is too dull and boring and needs pimping up a bit, so with £4.5k diamonds on the front – job done!

George Metcalfe formerly of the Oxford & Bucks Light Infantry tells a lovely story about the commanding officer resplendent in hunting pink reprimanding a soldier who dropped his weapon, but the story is basically – clouds have silver linings. Which is probably a good time to mention Fiona Gale of Only Connect who tells us that “It’s sh** out there just now” trust has disipated, but there are still benefits in having corporate responsibilty. Zoe Antin of Opus Telecom can still save businesses costs on line rental, for example “a penny saved is a penny earned”. In the same vein, Mike Jennings of Avenue the procurement people is subbing for chocolatier Kirsty Joly of Perfectly Tempered who is in San Francisco.

Diver Mick O’Conchubair of World Dive Centres holds the fort for Justin Beavis who is in Dubai raising money, while an indoor tropical reef for SCUBA diving is being built in NW London. Splatt Print’s sub informs us that they count the NHS & Coco Cola among their clients.

It is my turn for 10 minutes and am able to show 3 ways to be able to afford to stop working. 1) An “off the shelf” pension (it’s that P word again) 2) slightly frivolously, have a flutter on the Lottery (odds 15 million : 1 for the jackpot) or Premium Bonds (odds of winning 22,000:1 and you can get your money back) or 3) my business is my pension, the default option if you don’t like the first two. If you want to be able to earn the National Average wage without getting put of bed, and take a “no-brainer” yield of 5%, then you will need capital of around £half-million. Here we are most fortunate at BRX Bond Street to have such a spread of talent where you can plan for this from square one, starting with our master coach George Metcalfe.

At the end of the meeting, I have no referrals but am able to give a testimonial for Paul Ffitch of accountants Sayers Butterwoth. When a client set up a trust this week, this raised a tax issue which Paul was able to answer quickly as the client’s existing accountant was out of his depth.

Finally, our Chairman is able to close the meeting on a cheerful note:

Q. “What is the difference between an investment banker and a pidgeon?”

A. “A pidgeon is still able to make a deposit on a BMW!”

George Emsden